So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
