see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
