We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
