Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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