My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
