I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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