we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
