meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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