Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
