Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am one with the molecules
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
