Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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