dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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