No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
