i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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