dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
