the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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