You can't special order awesome
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize