I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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