YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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