at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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