Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
