Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
