You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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