What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You've changed since you got that strap on
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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