it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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