I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Randomize
