Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
