I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
