drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
