NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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