She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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