I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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