True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
