I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
