I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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