her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
