The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
