now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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