We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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