Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
