I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
