Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
whose parrot is this?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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