There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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