someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
