idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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