apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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