yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
