in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize