Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
