fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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