he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize