woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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