Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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