I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
