You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
sarcasm needs its own font
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize