He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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