we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
