her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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