I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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