i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
