wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
