I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
