The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
