toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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