that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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