I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
