i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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