I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
