how can u be prego again
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
