is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
