my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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