If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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