had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
