No awkward lesbian experiences without me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
