Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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