Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wish you could order shots online.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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