Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
