Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
