It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
