i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
