Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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