I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
